Reading the cards to guide my transition.

Transitioning has been a series of ups and downs. I thought I was doing fine and had a plan to move back to Philadelphia with Mike (though in separate apartments) and throw myself wholeheartedly into the burgeoning urban gardening scene. But just as we were about to head to Philly to look for housing Mike was offered another job on tour this summer for Billy Squier (80's rocker). The pay rate was too good to turn down so we talked and decided it'd be pretty stupid if he turned it down.

This kind of put a wrench in my happy-go-lucky, everything is falling right into place and going smoothly as planned, plan. When we were in Philly I even began to look at apartments and found one that seemed pretty nice. It had 4 vacant lots that the housemates had begun guerrilla gardening. It might have had enough outdoor potential to balance the disorganization inside, but something in me knew that I wouldn't be able to handle the noise and harshness of the city without Mike. Apparently the Goddess Cards were right (yes, I'm totally into Goddess Card readings now, I'm a hippie, whatever) and I am more sensitive to noise now and Mike acts like some kind of sound-proofing buffer somehow...the city just makes me feel rushed and stressed and competitive and inadequate and body conscious, etc.,

I had decided to move back to my parents house in Upstate NY for the summer, but before I had a chance to tell them this, my mom called me and told me that she met this farmer at the farmers market who might be looking for interns this summer. The farm is 10-15 minutes from my parents house, they offer a small stipend, housing, plus all the produce and eggs I can eat (they have yet seen how many veggies I can eat and may need to rethink this!), and it's located at the southern tip of Skaneateles Lake... it seemed to me like a perfect opportunity to live near water, another Goddess Card prediction.

I won't be starting until July when he has a space opening up, but this gives me plenty of time to go to all the weddings I need to go to and visit friends, etc. I won't be earning enough of a stipend to save any money, but it won't be costing me money either and I'll have enough to make my student loan payments.

When I was at my parents house in early May they drove me by this house the was formerly owned by friends of theirs. It's only $118,000 with 3.5 acres of land a barn and a view of the lake! It needs serious foundation work, but I want to go visit it and see if it's something I can't resist. I am tempted.

When I'm not on farms I miss having a regular schedule to my days and simple, wholesome foods to eat, and I certainly miss having time allotted each day for a siesta. Everything has seemed like a bit of a whirlwind since my arrival back here and I'm really looking forward to things settling down a bit and having the opportunity for reflection.

I don't know how being in South America could possibly make things seem so different. Most things are still the same. I have no job, I have no permanent housing, I still live out of my backpack. But I haven't picked up a book to read since returning. I spend too much time on the internet. I don't get out for any kind of exercise. I eat too much and too much crap. I feel disconnected. I don't know how a change in atmosphere can do so much and I just want to get back to the simple, purposefully disconnected way of being.

I leave NJ tomorrow for a weekend trip to Philly and Central PA and then Monday it's back up to CNY via NYC for a few more days before heading up to MA for a week of wedding festivities! Maybe I need to set the computer aside, give myself a good Goddess Card reading, and pick up a book. Just a few small steps toward happiness.